Open mouth, insert foot.

As den leader to my son’s Webelos II group, I needed to bring up an issue I was having at the Pack Committee meeting. I needed help and advice on an issue that I couldn’t bring myself to make the final decision on. I needed Cubmaster to make an executive decision on the part of the Pack.

For the last year and a half, I have had, technically, 20 boys enrolled in my den. I gained 17 at once when another pack dissolved and folded into ours. I maintained leadership, as DefunctPackLeader and FormerDenLeader felt I would do a better job. They promised to help me out, as long as I took point on the planning. Nothing came of it, and I received no help from any of the other parents. I had to lead a den of 20 boys with no assistant den leader, and no assistance.

Despite the overwhelming size of our combined den, I only ever saw 2-6 at a time. With a couple of exceptions who tried to come at least once a month, most of them showed up every 2 or 3 months, and a few I’ve never met. As a result, several of the boys are now at risk for not meeting the requirements for the Arrow of Light award. This is part of their graduation from cub scouts to boy scouts, and it currently scheduled for next month. On hearing this, one parent emailed back to me in distress about this, and I am anticipating several others will react the same way when they realize it affects their son. The parent that contacted me just happened to be the wife of FormerDenLeader.

I’ve been under significant non-scouting related stress for several months. I’m completely burnt out from trying to manage a den of 20 boys with ZERO help. I’m overly frustrated at trying to plan 2 den meetings a week – one for if everyone shows up, one for if only 3 boys show up. And I’m sick and tired of planning meetings specifically so that these boys can catch up on attendance and requirements, only to receive either a response that sports come first, or no response at all.

So instead of the nice calm group discussion I had planned when I decided to bring this to the committee, my frustration came through. I meant to say that it was an issue for a few boys, instead I brought it up as specifically about this one scout. I’m embarrassed to admit I was overly harsh against the FormerDenLeaders. DefunctPackLeader agreed and sympathized with me, but wanted to see if there was a way that this scout was eligible. I told him that I hadn’t had time to go through my records to see exactly how many meetings I had him down for and which other requirements he was missing, but I hadn't seen his face in almost 12 months. I admitted it was possible he at least came close to the requirements through outings with DefunctPackLeader that I was not aware of, but that my records could not justify it. Not when so many other boys HAD made an effort to come to meetings and be involved.

As we are discussing this, a parent on the other side of the table chimes in a few times. But it’s not until DefunctPackLeader asks her a question about the scout that I realize the horrifying truth.

It’s Mrs. FormerDenLeader. The subject of our discussion. The person whom I’d been talking about and referring to as if she was not there.

Open big fat mouth. Insert size 9.

I don’t remember saying anything particularly bad about her or the family. But it was definitely not my shining moment.

Although, as another committee member pointed out in an email to me later: "If they’d been to some of the meetings, you would have recognized her."