Even Reindeer Pause

I heard the funniest story at a Christmas party recently. What you have to understand first, is that this takes place deep in the heart of the Bible Belt region. The buckle of the bible belt, so to speak. A place where the populace is strongly religious, and for the majority of the parishioners, that religion is some form of Christianity. A place with all the stereotypes - the good, the not-so-good, the neutral - that go along with life in a very red state. A place were public displays such as one might see at Mardi Gras in New Orleans, or the Castro District of San Francisco, or the Pride parade of Chicago, are completely unheard of and generally looked down upon. An area where churches outnumber grocery stores.

So picture if you will, a Christmas parade. Hundreds of men, women and children turn out for the festivities. Here comes the nativity from Catholic Church, very nice. Aw, there go the Girl Scouts - too cute. Now the float from Baptist Church. And the marchers from the Assembly of God. Another float from the Presbyterian Church. And now, here comes the float from [large department store chain]. Oh look, they've got a Santa! Hmm... who is that standing next to him? Kinda tall for an elf. A kid? No, still too tall. .... oh no, they didn't! (facepalm)

Santa's "Helper". Santa's young, nubile, attractive, adult female helper. Wearing an outfit even Victoria would keep secret. Santa is wearing a big grin, his hand placed firmly and unmovingly on her rear.

In the crowd, dozens of men start volunteering to play Santa next year. The women, shivering in sympathy, start covering children's eyes.

A 6 year old girl looks up at her Grampa and says "That is highly inappropriate."